The Grasshopper Read online

  “Excuse me?” Erivan asked without any interest, stopping the recording at the moment when he banged his fist on the map and looked at the camera.

  “All those wretches in past wars…” the Grasshopper spoke contemplatively, “… went into the street and had no idea who was on their side and who was the enemy. They differed only in the invisible. In what was in their heads.”

  “What heads, Grasshopper? Man, do you see this gaze of mine? Do you see it?”

  “But that’s man. That’s how he was created. Experience doesn’t play a role… only instinct. Here, look at this generation of ours. There were other such generations in history, when the lulls lasted several decades. I mean… periods without wars. These children think that wars serve only to torment them in history class. There were other such generations that thought that wars were the thing of their past, stupid, primitive and undeveloped ancestors. And that they were developed, civilized, humane… and then a war would break out, like this one… after an entire century… and people immediately, instinctively start kicking.”

  “Ah, they’re funny,” said Erivan, watching the generals push and shove on their side of the table.

  “I’m thinking about our season clothes. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. People have found all kinds of excuses to kill each other throughout history. So why should this one, with the t-shirts and different stripes, be any less worthy than the previous ones? Perhaps it isn’t as dignified as the pervious ones? It’s really a pity that I don’t have audio so that I can hear one of the heroes, bare-chested, carrying a staff with the t-shirt hanging on it, charging the enemy barricades, shouting ‘Horizontal stripes!’ or ‘Vertical stripes!’, just before being cut down by a hail of gunfire.”

  “Are you still running a fever, Grasshopper?” Erivan asked, going back to the story from the evening news.

  “No. I’m just very content. I would sometimes wonder… doubt myself… for a moment…”

  “Did you notice at all how I approached the table, Grasshopper?! Did you see that stride!”

  “I’d think about whether the Balance has actually been achieved. Is that the final answer? Has the killing come to an end? Although, Kaella did kill the old and the sick to keep the Balance…”

  “Yes, he did. What a scoundrel he was. Here, I’m slowly making a fist…”

  “…in those hospital of his, Euthanasias.”

  “Yes, the hospitals are full. They’re constantly pestering me with that, Grasshopper! They say, ‘what should we do, Mr. President? There are many wounded, then there are these epidemics… we don’t have drugs…’ I’m sick of them… Look, look! Are you watching my footage at all, Grasshopper? I’m placing the fist on the table, leaning on it…”

  “But that was systemic, regime killing. That is why I wondered what happened to the basic human urge… and now I’m at peace, content. That is… always the same, just with a new excuse. And those striped t-shirts of ours, that is probably the cutest excuse in history.”

  “Cute? You think that they’re cute? I think they’re really funny!” Erivan laughed loudly, watching the generals stretch their necks.

  “And now I’m certain. Now I know… Now that I’m finally here, in this room, I know that I was right all along, that my effort wasn’t in vain… that my life has a purpose…”

  “Grasshopper, that’s…” Erivan was laughing so hard that he struggled for air.

  “To serve you, Mr. President,” Grasshopper jolted back from his thoughts.

  “I’m going to die laughing, to die… Hmm? What did you say?”

  “I say, to serve you, Mr. President.”

  “And you’re lucky to have me, Grasshopper,” said Erivan, watching himself wisely nod his head over the map of the world.

  Chapter 100

  “Move it! Move it!” shouted the commander of the firing squad while his men were taking their positions. “Come on!” he continued. “Don’t disgrace yourself! You see the large audience we have today!” he pointed to the group of Consumers from the nearby city, who stood on the side and watched their fellow-citizens, the Non-Consumers, lined up in front of the firing squad.

  “Lucky, what is this horrible movie?” Sayash asked Lucky, while holding him in his arms. “I’m getting the creeps. You’re not afraid of anything, are you, Lucky?” Sayash bowed his head and looked at Lucky. “You don’t even blink, do you? How are you going to fall asleep tonight?”

  “Get the bum back in line!” shouted the commander, when he saw Sayash and Lucky in front of his firing squad.

  “What’s that, Lucky? It’s started to rain, is it?” Sayash asked, looking up at the sky, when Lucky’s first tear fell on his arm. “It isn’t rain, Lucky,” Sayash concluded. “Everything is dry,” he turned Lucky towards him. “There, I knew it! You’re crying! This isn’t the movie for you, Lucky! Let’s go to another one.”

  Lucky turned in Sayash’s arms away from the Non-Consumers, lined up to be shot, and looked towards the gathered Consumers.

  “Mommy, look! The dog is crying!”

  “What dog? I don’t see it.”

  “In that man’s arms!”

  “Give your other hand to your father,” said the Consumer, when she saw Lucky’s tears. “Let’s go,” She took a step towards the Non-Consumers and took her son and husband with her.

  All the Consumers followed them and mixed with their fellow-citizens, the Non-Consumers.

  “Let’s go home, neighbor, for a chess match. What do you say?”

  “I’m white.”

  “Today dinner is at our place.”

  “That’s out of the question, neighbor. It’s our turn.”

  “So, when are you going to pay back that money?”

  “I knew that was going to be the first thing you ask.”

  “So, you put on last season’s clothes because of your daughter-in-law?”

  “Don’t mention it. We barely found them. Can’t you see that I have on this season’s shoes?” the father answered his colleague.

  “She still isn’t our daughter-in-law,” said the mother, “but she will be. What else could we do? Our son doesn’t want to live without her. Isn’t that right, son?”

  The son didn’t answer. He just hugged his girlfriend.

  “Mommy, where are that man and the dog?”

  “I don’t know. They’re around here somewhere.”

  “People! People! It was them!”

  “Them who? Why are you shouting?!”

  “The Saint and the Dog! They bring good luck and then disappear!”

  “What Saint? That plaid bum? You’ve already started drinking, but you’re not sharing, are you?”

  “Dad! Dad!”

  “Wait a moment. Don’t you see that I’m talking to our neighbor?”

  “Dad, we will all be playing in front of the building! All of us, dad! Do you know how long it’s been since we all played together?!”

  “Alright, alright, but only until dark.”

  “Get in the vehicles! Let’s go! These people have completely lost it!” the firing squad commander said with a terribly annoyed tone.

  “People! How long are we going to keep standing here in this wasteland?! Let’s go back to our city! To hide it! So that one will ever find it!”

  Chapter 101

  “What’s wrong with you, Mr. President? Why are you so pale?” the Grasshopper asked Erivan.

  “I haven’t been sleeping enough… problems…”

  “What problems? The war is going well, as far as I see. And I’m looking at these snipers in the cities. Are those our boys?”

  “Both ours and the others. Everyone has a sniper these days. And I released from prison all the killers, rapists, pedophiles… let them terrorize the Non-Consumers a little.”

  “There, there. But I’m curious about these snipers. I wonder, how do they choose who to kill?”

  “Well you’ve killed people so many time with a sniper, Grasshopper. What’s strange about it?”


  “That’s different. Those were targets that you identified for me, Mr. President. And I wonder, how do they…? Sitting in a window, watching the people in the street through their scopes… I can’t grasp, what is their criteria? I see them kill both men and women, young and old, children… I really don’t get it. I guess depending on whose face they don’t like. I couldn’t do that. All faces are the same to me.”

  “You wouldn’t kill anyone until I gave you a target?”

  “No, no… I’d kill them all.”

  “You can’t do that with one sniper, Grasshopper. You kill one, and the others run from the street. Then you have to move to a different skyscraper. It isn’t easy for them. Its hard work. Especially if the elevators don’t work. By the way, do you know that Consumers have started to protest?”

  “Why?” the Grasshopper was surprised.

  “Because I said that we would seize the Non-Consumers’ shares…”

  “I know.”

  “And the Non-Consumers immediately started selling them on the stock exchange. And the prices dropped, so the Consumers started to panic. And they too started selling. Within a few days the Company lost ninety percent of its value. And everyone is blaming me.”

  “Well that is a great opportunity, Mr. President.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, buy now, when the price is so low.”

  “What can I buy it with? My salary?”

  “Who said anything about your salary? Do you know how much money Prince Kaella has in the vaults beneath his palace?”

  “That’s right! Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “But, I was thinking about something else.”

  “About what? Tell me.”

  “Kaella’s family is still in the palace?”

  “Yes.”

  “Throw them out, and move in. Those presidential quarters aren’t really that nice.”

  “Well, they aren’t… I too was thinking about moving, but after the war. Here I have communications and logistics.”

  “You’re right. But then don’t move into their palace.”

  “Why?”

  “Because the colonnades are too low. For them they were even too high, but for you, Mr. President, they have to be at least a meter higher. To make it clear to everyone who is the new ruler of the world.”

  “A meter? Five meters!”

  “I agree. First get the money from the vault, then tear down Kaella’s palace, the whole thing, not only the colonnades. And build yourself the most lavishing edifice that has ever existed on Earth.”

  “I will! The most lavishing!”

  Chapter 102

  “When will we start the blackouts, Mr. President?”

  “Well we could gradually, Grasshopper. Are you sure you know how to control that?”

  “I trained for that for five months. Do you doubt me?”

  “I don’t doubt you. OK, start switching if off.”

  “I will, but I don’t know which cities to turn off the power to.”

  “What do you mean ‘which ones’, Grasshopper? To the Non-Consumer cities.”

  “I know that, but where should I start?”

  “First black out Megapolis.”

  “Megapolis?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is that what the generals said?”

  “No. they still don’t even know that I’m going to switch off the power.”

  “They don’t know? So that’s why you think that they will immediately propose that you switch off the energy to Megapolis. You are absolutely right, Mr. President. That is exactly what they will propose. Because they envy and hate you. And that is why they don’t want you to leave Megapolis for the end of the war.”

  “You’re right, Grasshopper. They envy and hate me. I don’t trust them at all.”

  “That’s right. That’s why you won’t listen to them. And you will wait until the end of the war, when the entire world has already surrender and bowed before you. Only then will the two of us switch off the energy to Megapolis. They are all spoiled wimps and they will surrender quickly. And then you will arrive in the center of their main square in a gold chariot pulled by sixteen white horses. There at the table the defeated Seneca will be waiting and before you he will sign the capitulation of Megapolis.”

  “That is wonderful! Fantastic! That’s all I’ll dream about from now on!”

  “So, what should I switch off first?”

  “Switch off whatever you want, Grasshopper.”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. President.”

  Chapter 103

  “So what don’t I understand?” wondered Pascal, while sitting at the dining room table, with his back turned towards the kitchen.

  “Pascal,” said Eir. The little girl raised her head, while sitting in his lap, offering him a doll that she had just put a dress on.

  “Yes, Eir?” asked Pascal, accepting the doll. “Well that is a very pretty dress. Now put this one on her,” Pascal pointed at a floral dress. “So we can see which one is prettier.”

  “Oki,” said Eir and took the doll from Pascal.

  Pascal’s eyes went back to the white sheet which had been covering the couch for the past two weeks. “How long will I stare at that sheet? What am I waiting for? A fairy godmother to turn it into our cover? To turn this room into ours? I have nothing to wait for. Nothing to hope for. I have experienced the pinnacle of my life. My five minutes are passed. They’re passed, Pascal!” he shouted at himself. “Accept it. It’s over, finished, caput, no more, the end!”

  “…my husband doing now?” he heard Manami behind him. “He’s been gone for days. He’ll defeat Erivan. If you can say that anyone is truly exceptional, then it’s my husband.”

  “There, Pascal. Did you hear that? You did, you did. That’s all you hear. That’s all you listen to all day long. ‘My husband, my husband!’ Your Mrs. Seneca has made up her mind. That night, your only night, Pascal, she sat next to you in her nightgown and she saw that you’re nothing special. That she doesn’t need that. You probably stumbled upon her during a small marriage crisis. The young woman, whose husband is never at home, longed for a little attention, a little adventure, a break from monotony. And she slipped into her nightgown, put her head on your shoulder and that was it. For such a conservatively raised woman that was more than enough. She ended her adventure and went back to her family. After that she ‘accidently’ spilled tea on your cover and she said that she had to wash it. And she still hasn’t washed it. And she will never wash it. Regardless of how much you stare at that sheet.”

  “There, I’m done in the kitchen,” said Manami, taking Eir from Pascal. “The two of us are off to our quarters. Thank you very much, sir, for looking after her,” said Manami, without looking at him.

  Chapter 104

  “You had your hopes up again, Pascal?” Pascal asked himself when Manami took his plate after lunch. “Your hands tremble every time that you raise the spoon to your mouth. You think, this time, for sure… Well, it wasn’t this time either! And it never will be! She didn’t put chili in your food once! Sober up! Get out of here! Go already, man! It’s over! Over! You heard the lady, what she’s telling you the entire time? My husband this, my husband that! No more Julius! Only my husband! So that you will finally understand who she is and who she belongs to. To get you off her back once and for all.”

  “You’re not saying anything, sir? How was lunch?” Manami asked from the kitchen, with her back turned.

  “Excellent, ma’am, thank you,” Pascal answered, with his back turned towards her.

  “Excellent? Only excellent? So it wasn’t exceptional?”

  “Yes, ma’am, it was exceptional.”

  “That’s alright. I’m just joking with you, sir. Only rare things are exceptional, right?”

  “That’s right, ma’am.”

  “Make up your mind once and for all!” Pascal returned to his dark thoughts. “Don’t desecrate it! Don’t desecrate your night any more. As soon as you he
ar that Noah bring the food, or if Seneca… no, not Seneca – the lady’s husband! Please, Pascal, express yourself correctly! So, if the lady’s husband appears… That’s right, Pascal! Bravo! Even you are learning some manners! Then nicely, say goodbye to Mrs. Seneca…”

  At that thought, with that image before his eyes, Pascal sighed deeply. He waved his head. “I can’t… I can’t imagine it… That moment… I hold out my hand… and see her for the last time… I can’t… I can’t go on without you, Manami! I can’t!!!”

  “Pascal, do you want to test me now,” said Peter, when he too had finished lunch.

  “Alright. Bring the tablet.”

  “Leave the gentleman be, Peter. He might want to have a little rest after lunch.”

  “No, no ma’am…”

  “When you’re finished testing Peter, Eir will wake up, then she will want you to play with her. That’s not your responsibility, sir.” Manami stood next to Pascal. “You know what? From now on the three of us will be in our rooms. I will work with Peter. So that you can have a rest from all of us, sir.”

  Pascal bowed his head.

  “What are you saying, mommy?” Peter shouted. “I want to study with Pascal.”

  “And I want to test your knowledge myself, Peter. To see whether it is truly as exceptional as the gentleman claims. Peter’s knowledge is exceptional, isn’t it, sir? That is your favorite expression it seems to me, sir!”

  “Yes, it’s exceptional,” whispered Pascal, without raising his head.