The Grasshopper Page 22

  “Print more and increase their salaries again.”

  “I did and I gave them a raise, as a reward in the middle of the month. And they said that they can’t buy even half a kilogram of potatoes. So I asked them ‘how much do these potatoes cost?’. They said a million. No problem. I added six zeroes and printed their new salaries. And they came back. They said that potatoes now cost a thousand billions or a billion billions, I’ve already forgotten. And that’s where I realized that they are only greedy and that they were lying to me. Even Prince Kaella didn’t have that much money.”

  “And?”

  “Nothing. Charlie killed those from the union and now all the inspectors have turned against me. You can probably see from up there how they are tightening the noose around my residence. And you’re playing dumb and asking me why my eyes are red and why I’m not sleeping.”

  “I see. Who’s defending you? The squads?”

  “Nope. Only Charlie’s left. Everyone else has stolen as much as they wanted, killed as much as they wanted, each one created their own army… Now I hear that they’re killing each other.”

  “Don’t worry, Mr. President. I’ll defend you. I’ve been working on that for a while now. Just hang on a little longer.”

  Chapter 110

  “Where have you been, Grasshopper?” Erivan shouted in panic, when the Grasshopper finally picked up. “Can’t you see that they’re almost in the residence?! Charlie’s barely holding on!”

  “Calm down, Mr. President. I’ve completed my procedure. Everything is in place now,” the Grasshopper calmed him.

  “What procedure of yours? What is in place?”

  “Are you seeing how I’m vaporizing cities across the Earth?”

  “Yes. And they say that I’m to blame for sending such a butcher up there.”

  “Butcher? Cute. Now listen to me carefully. My procedure automatically controls the energy beams targeting a ring around the entire region of Capital City. When it detects that someone has entered that ring, the beams go online and vaporize everything that is in it. Do you understand, Mr. President?”

  “I understand…”

  “So no one can enter or leave Capital City.”

  “Alright…”

  “You’re not pleased? I’m providing you with absolute protection and you…”

  “Can’t you create that ring around my residence? What use is the region. You probably see…”

  “I cannot create such small beams. And I also don’t want to. You’ll see, Capital City will adore you.”

  “How, Grasshopper, how?!”

  “You will immediately appear on television and explain to the people everything what I’ve told you. And tell them that if anyone gives you the eye, I will vaporize all of Capital City.”

  “They won’t believe me… you have to tell them, Grasshopper.”

  “Me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Alright. I’ll call the television station.”

  Chapter 111

  Dr. Palladino never cared about anything. Except for on two occasions. The first time was on that day, when he was the only one not to appear at his wedding. Not that something was wrong with the bride. Brides will be brides: she cared about children, a home, furniture… etc. That is why Dr. Palladino remained alone his entire life.

  Dr. Palladino had become a doctor because his father, Dr. Palladino, wanted it. He chose psychiatry on his own, because the job didn’t require him touching people.

  Humane Capitalism suited Dr. Palladino. As soon as he got a job at a psychiatric hospital in Capital City, he asked an elegant older colleague where he dressed.

  Honored by such a question, the older colleague explained to him in detail how the location and size of the apartment, the car and clothes were very important for psychiatrists like them. Because that way they emphasized the high standing of their clinic, and they assumed the respectable social ranking, which, by the way, they fully deserved.

  That is how Dr. Palladino learned where he would live in the future and in which shops he would be buying his car, furniture and clothes. He immediately created a special contact with the vendors and asked them at the end of the season to immediately hand over all the old things to the inspectorate, and to bring and install, assemble, put in all the new things… as it was supposed to be.

  Humane Capitalism allowed Dr. Palladino to relieve himself of all great burdens, in one move, for his entire life. But he didn’t know how to wear all that. He spent all his time in the smallest room of his large apartment. He didn’t drive his car but rather he took the taxi. All the elegant clothes, in the right sizes, hung loosely on him. And because of the loose knot, his silk tie draped diagonally.

  Humane Capitalism also suited Dr. Palladino in the professional sense. Because Prince Kaella had placed the highest prices on drugs for the treatment of psychiatric conditions. That way Dr. Palladino’s patients quickly spent their meager savings, if they had any at all, and quickly ended up at Euthanasia. The Balance, which Mr. Kaella had created in society, could not support such a burden for long. The high frequency with which patients changed allowed Dr. Palladino not to get overly involved with them.

  Dr. Palladino did not care much for cigarettes, whiskey or poker. He considered all three to be implied. This way of waiting for death started reflecting on Dr. Palladino’s physical appearance. His hair had gone white at an early age, as decided by his genes. But nonetheless, its thickness led to envious looks by many young passersby. Dr. Palladino didn’t care to tame it, which is why occasionally a lock would reach his ear or fall on his forehead, unobstructed. His skin got wrinkled, with sacks under his eyes, and his green eyes matured.

  Such an appearance on the part of Dr. Palladino, without any intention, changed the traditional dress code at the psychiatric clinic. The male colleagues noticed that the female colleagues found Dr. Palladino to be a very interesting man, which is why they created a new doctrine according to which the psychiatric clinic cannot establish its identity by imitating the style of stock brokers, but rather through the lucid development of its own style. And the own style of every serious psychiatrist must be wacky. That is why the staff, before entering the clinic in the morning, loosened the knots on their ties, ruffled their shirts and crumpled the line on their pants. Despite the efforts, the original remained interesting to the female coworkers. That is why some of them discretely offered Dr. Palladino their bodies. And he didn’t care to turn them down.

  That is precisely when that other occasion happened in Dr. Palladino’s life, when, now for the second time, he cared about something. Namely, an Inspectorate captain asked Dr. Palladino to help him in his enduring and unsuccessful hunt for a serial killer, who left numerous victims in his wake, with a specific mode of operation.

  The psychological profile of that serial killer, which Dr. Palladino created based on the extensive documentation that he received, was of crucial importance for the apprehension of the criminal and bringing him to justice.

  For more than a decade, the collaboration with the Inspectorate and the creation of profiles of serial killers had been something that finally brought some meaning to Dr. Palladino’s life, something that he truly cared about. While on the hunt Dr. Palladino did not drink whiskey or play poker. He only smoked.

  At the beginning of the war the Inspectorate was concerned with more important things. That is why Dr. Palladino went back to poker and whiskey. On one occasion, when he was a little late for a game, one of his fellow poker players said that his wife was leaving him because of poker and taking their children. And that that night was his last game. The other players at the table said that they were very sorry and that they understood him completely. Although none of them really understood why he was quitting poker now, when he could now play unimpeded.

  A week later the news spread that this player had committed suicide. And ten days later the reliable information at the poker table was that he had done so by playing Russian roulette.

&nbs
p; Chapter 112

  Like every night, Manami and Pascal were sitting in the dark on their cover. Manami raised her head from Pascal’s shoulder and got up. Then she knelt on the couch, turned towards him. He sat leaning back, motionless, with his hands in his lap. Manami took his face in her hands and turned him towards her. She caressed him.

  “Why don’t you love me, Pascal?” she asked.

  “Don’t do this to me, Manami,” Pascal answered.

  “Why don’t you caress me like this? Why don’t you also run your fingers through my hair, my love?”

  “Manami…” Pascal said painfully. “Don’t torment me…”

  “I’m overjoyed, my dear! Overjoyed! That’s why I’m teasing you. Because the most impulsive Don Juan is behaving like this. He won’t even touch his loved one until she tells him to. And he trembles with love. I’m not an adulteress, Pascal, because I allowed myself to be seduced, because I allowed you to seduce me, because you spoke sweet words to me. I am an adulteress only because I’m so in love with you. And only because my love is so big and strong. And that is why I have the right to caress you. If anyone were to see this now, they would later say that I caressed your cheek… your hair. They would not be able to say that you caressed my hand with your cheek. That you seduced me.”

  “Manami… I want to touch you… I can’t… I can’t take it…”

  “Talk to me,” said Manami.

  “I love you! I’m crazy about you! I want to kiss you! I have to kiss you!”

  “Not like that” Manami laughed.

  “What then?”

  “What kind of a world will you create?”

  “Me? I’m not going to create any kind of world, my love. I’m not interested in that anymore. I just want to be with you… Only you exist for me. And do you know what, Manami? Those stories of yours, whether you are an adulteress or not. This way or the other… You can tell them to someone else. You are just a selfish creature.”

  “Is that so? So that’s what you think of me?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, now you’ll see how selfish I am, my love!”

  Manami got up, sat in his lap, covered his lips with her hands and kissed his hair, forehead, eyes.

  “There. That’s how selfish I am, my darling!”

  Pascal moved her hand from his lips and tried to kiss her, but Manami sat up, pressed her hands against his shoulders and said

  “Don’t you dare!”

  “I won’t. I won’t, Manami. Forgive me…” said Pascal, trying to calm himself. “I’m aware of how much it means to you… that I… didn’t seduce you allegedly. Because, as far as I understand, that would be a sin. And the fact that you fell in love with me on your own, that allegedly isn’t a sin.”

  “Of course it’s not a sin. My soul is pure. My love is pure. It’s like a mountain stream from ages ago. That is how pure my love is, Pascal.”

  “Your love is pure, Manami. As is your soul. You are wonderful… wonderful, Manami. But my love is pure too. And powerful. And I cannot go on like this anymore. I must caress you, touch you, kiss you… Don’t torture me any more, please. In any case, you’re just deceiving yourself and me for no reason.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I seduced you with my eyes, when you were bringing the mayor tea.”

  “You seduced me?” Manami exclaimed. “You’re really talking nonsense, Pascal. I seduced you with my eyes! In any case, I looked at you first. And you were puzzled by that look for days. Only later did I succeed in seducing you, in forcing you to look at me that way.”

  “You looked at me first?! I looked at you intently the entire time that you were brining the tea. And you felt my gaze, my seduction, on yourself. And that is why you even looked at me in the first place. To see what was so powerful, who loved you so much.”

  “Just you keep deceiving yourself, my darling, if it makes you feel better.”

  Manami got up from Pascal’s lap, sat next to him and placed her head on his chest.

  “So kiss my hair… So what? I’m a lonely sad woman in a shelter… in the middle of a war. And you are a good friend who’s comforting me… who is hugging me and kissing my hair, in difficult times. That is completely understandable and acceptable.”

  Pascal kissed her hair in silence and stroked her back.

  “I want to kiss your lips so much, Pascal… But I can’t. The one who is watching would then say ‘He kissed her.’ That’s what they always say ‘he kissed her,’ and not ‘she kissed him.’ Right?”

  Chapter 113

  “Is everything alright, Mr. President?”

  “Yes. Everyone is as calm as a toad in the sun. No one’s coming near the residence. I’ve finally had some rest and my blood pressure is stable. Thank you, Grasshopper. You are truly a man of your word.”

  “Are you thanking me, Mr. President? Tell me again, what did I write in my PhD thesis?”

  “That you want to serve the leader.”

  “Not only do I want to - that is the purpose of my life. Which leader, who do I consider the greatest leader in history?”

  “Me.”

  “That’s correct. And why then are you thanking me? I exist only to carry out your orders.”

  “Thank you… I mean… I’m pleased with you, Grasshopper.”

  “Thank you, Mr. President. It means a lot to me. But, may I ask you, how do the people get paid now? Are you still printing money?”

  “No, no. They’re not getting anything.”

  “So they’re not working? The Inspectorate is not working?”

  “No, no…. everyone’s working.”

  “How? How do they pay for food? Alright, I provide the energy for free. Your waterworks are running…”

  “They don’t pay… They’ve organized themselves. You know that we produce enough food for the city here. And they distribute it somehow… according to the number of household members. They negotiate… There are also pharmaceuticals, doctors are working… how do I know…”

  “Excellent, that means that no one is pestering you with that nonsense.”

  “No… they are settling it all on their own.”

  “Perfect. There is bread, the games are coming.”

  Chapter 114

  “Hey, Grasshopper. Don’t accidentally vaporize Megapolis,” said Erivan. “I need to go to their square, and for Seneca to sign the capitulation. We have a deal.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t. I guess you see what I’m doing. People are afraid that I’ll vaporize their city too, so everyone’s fleeing to unpopulated areas. And I’m waiting for them to become thirsty and hungry and to move on Megapolis and Capital City. Those are the only two regions that still have energy, water, food, production… everything. They are the only two oases on the planet.”

  “No! What’s the matter with you? What should I do with all these people in Capital City?” Erivan was aghast.

  “They can’t enter your area. Have you already forgotten about my ring?”

  “Ah, yes…”

  “And let them flock to Megapolis. I’m interested in how Seneca will react, what his decision will be. However, let’s leave that aside… There’s time for that. I wanted something else. I was just getting ready to call you, when I got your call.”

  “What did you want? Tell me, Grasshopper.”

  “Your Imperial Majesty!” the Grasshopper suddenly shouted.

  “What?” Erivan was baffled.

  “You are no longer President. You are now, Your Imperial Majesty!”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Presidents are elected in elections, and Emperors are chosen by God.”

  “God? Me too?”

  “Of course. You are his final choice.”

  “What should I do now, Grasshopper?

  “I’ll explain it to you. Capital City is your empire.”

  “Alright…”

  “Barbarians will gather around my ring, but they won’t be able to threaten the empire.”<
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  “I know that.”

  “So, you don’t need to worry about wars. You can just have fun and enjoy yourself.”

  “Well, alright…”

  “But you must also provide this for your subjects.”

  “For whom?”

  “Your subjects, the citizens of the Empire, of Capital City.”

  “Ah… I understand. But how will I entertain them, Grasshopper?”

  “I will tell you. But first take off that uniform and let us make you a toga.”

  “What is that?”

  “No, not a toga. Just a tunic. But it has to be short. Tell that to your tailor. And have them make you a wig. Long hair which will blow in the wind. And a pedestal with a magnificent throne. And have it all done in black. We won’t change the style. Call me when you are prepared,” the Grasshopper said and hung up.

  Chapter 115

  “Pascal, did you see how angry Julius was today?” said Manami, as soon as she sat down next to Pascal in their room.

  “Angry?” Pascal was puzzled. “At whom?”

  “I don’t know, Pascal. At us? At himself? I don’t know.”

  “Why was he angry? How did you notice it?”

  “Pascal, you don’t notice anything! When he picked up Eir, she immediately held out her hands towards you and called you Pascal.”

  “Manami!” Pascal shouted out. “I am in love with his wife. And I can tell him that at any moment. But I’m not taking away his children. Peter and Eir are yours and his children. In any case, that is normal. We are closed up here, I play with Eir, he rarely comes…”

  “Yes, it’s as you say. The child connects to the person that plays with it. I think that Julius is angry at himself, because he never found time for the children, even before this war.”